I wrote about six sacrifices that a leader must make, but here are six sacrifices that leaders must NOT make if they are to remain healthy and lead in a way that is worthy of following:
1) FAMILY: In today’s world of influencers and leaders who are able to polish their public persona, you can’t get around the fact that far too many leaders sacrifice their families for the sake of their aspirations. There’s a bit of desire for validation…a hint of ambition…a dash of hubris. These make for a cocktail of prioritizing the leader’s dreams over the people who should mean the most to him. In my own journey, I have had to choose to sacrifice notoriety and money and dreams for the sake of my family. I use to be bitter about that…honestly…until I came to realize that they are my legacy and they are the very people in my life God has put there to make me into a better person. So it is with your family.
2) COMMUNITY: It is easy to hunker down and go “monk mode” for the sake of your dreams. YET, it seems that doing so will have long-term negative effects on you. Now, while many friends will say they are understanding that you’re trying to make a dent in your dreams, the truth is…in the back of their mind, they wonder when you will turn them down again when they want to spend time with you. Over time, and I’m willing to tell you this though they may not, they will slowly drift away from you because you aren’t reliable and you have not prioritized them.
In another vein related to this is the need to have intimate friends who know your foibles and weaknesses. They remember that you’re still the guy from grad school that would tell jokes and laugh freely and express frustration…and they still love you. It is imperative that you have a circle (whether it be 2 or 5) that you can confide in and they will be able to tell you the truth.
3) VISION: The challenge of leadership is constantly weighing the Ideal that you have in your mind’s eye and the Reality of what you have in your hand. Many times, I’ve seen leaders give in and acquiesce to just managing. This is detrimental to those you serve. They may not always see what you see…and you can’t fault them for that (!)…but you must periodically remind yourself of why you started in the first place. What wound needed healing? What bridge needed building? What Ideal world did you see that you were willing to sacrifice comfort and the other things I mentioned previously?
You have write it down and re-visit this vision often. The world will not only distract you…but when others don’t see what you dream you can grow interminably discouraged. You must NOT sacrifice your vision of the Ideal…you merely need to be patient and persevere and love those who have gathered with you to see that become the Reality.
4) HUMILITY: It is easy to look around think that people have gathered around you. As a leader, they have gathered around the Vision. If they have merely gathered around your persona or charisma…that’s a recipe for disaster. Because you will fail them. What is more, I’ve seen leaders slowly become narcissists because they think they hold the keys to something special.
To be a healthy leader, you must pursue Humility. This is exhibited in curiosity as to why things are the way they are. This is demonstrated in a genuine asking of questions of those you lead so that you can understand them and care for them. Without humility, you will slowly become a bore and a pain to live and work with. And over time, you will cease to be a leader because people will slowly drift away…
5) SILENCE & SOLITUDE: While the art of leadership is communicating and communicating often, it is vital that you find time and space to disconnect. You need to remember that your vision doesn’t depend on you. Train and empower others to shoulder the load so that you can not be present at every meeting.
One of the practices that has been tried and true for centuries, and that I guide people through in my program My New Rich Life, is to intentionally pursue silence and solitude. I can’t get into the details now like I do in the program, but the essence of it is that your mind and heart need silence to process all the information outside and inside your person. For me, it is simply 10 minutes of coffee on my screened porch paying attention to what I see and what I hear.
I have seen this work time and again for high-productivity leaders. Although everything in such leaders screams that they need to be moving and doing…it is in the practice of silence and solitude that we begin to tend to our interior life.
6) GROWTH: Many times once someone has arrived to the position of leadership, they stop pushing themselves. I have seen folks simply moving from problem to problem, and using it as an excuse to not read or listen to podcasts or tend to their own personal growth. This is detrimental to your mental and leadership health. You have to constantly take the posture of humility (see 4 above) and confess that you are not as good a leader as you can be. You never will be. The truth is, you can always improve. You can always be a better communicator and listener. A more courageous leader. A more genuine leader. A more compassionate and concerned leader.
To get to those better vistas, you have to climb through not only material to be consumed, but also gathering around others who encourage you by their lifestyle and leadership.