As I look to the new year and all that it offers by way of renewed vigor, I also understand that it doesn’t come with a blank slate. Year after year we have worn ruts in our life by our habits. Our amends with sinful behaviors and the inevitable justification and jawing about how we deserve to act a certain way because that person or situation required it. I have heard time after time of people making excuses for childish behavior when they need to have already grown up and taken accountability for their actions. Instead of seeing such accountability as an act of love, they take it as a barb of unkindness.
As I look at the new year, I am resolving to identify my own tendencies and habits that have not served me. Owning my emotions as mine to understand and align to be appropriate for any given circumstance. Not giving more of myself to those who have not shown they are capable of handling what I want to share. Entrusting myself to a few people who will give me the benefit of the doubt and seek to understand rather than pre-judge.
I have reflected on ten characteristics of the fool from my last post and want to offer a much more abbreviated list of ten qualities of the wise or the righteous. Of course this isn’t exhaustive, but it comes through the lens of what I want to be true of me as I embark on thsi new year.
- Ask Questions to Understand Rather than to Argue. How many times do we ask in a way that isn’t really wanting to understand but to load more bullets in the magazine to shoot our perceived opponent down.
- Live Open but Cautious. The life of faith calls us to open ourselves up to a beautiful life of wonder and growth. Such opening ourselves up implies that we will get hurt. The wise person continues to open themselves up to others in spite of getting hurt. The wise person notes the individual or particular circumstances that hurt him and stays away from it. But he persists in opening himself up when others prove they are thinking the best of you and want the best for you.
- Appropriate Disclosure. I had previously bought into a brand of vulnerability that encouraged me to be wide open. That keeping things hidden was a sign of pride or duplicity. I have grown to understand that if I never disclose my heart, that, indeed, is a problem. But such disclosure needs to be appropriate. Clear Example: At a bus stop I share my latest disappointment and being hurt by someone. The person wasn’t expecting such disclosure, nor do I know if this person will be wise enough to give me appropriate advice on how to handle the issue. There needs to be a level of trust and the person has to have the tools to help you process life.
- Observe the World. Proverbs 6 admonishes us to observe the ant to learn the way of the righteous. That is, look around at Creation and learn. Instead of rushing from place to place, spend time observing.
- Analog > Digital. Because of the previous point, the wise person I want to be this year will prioritize flesh and blood over pixels. Our digital world is ever-growing in its ability and willingness to dupe us. Whether it be air-brushed models or ai-generated girlfriends, it is clear that something is askew in our souls to think these are okay. After a prolonged period of looking at screens, our realities have become facades and fake and fragile. And we become what we behold. We are what we repeatedly do. If I want to be real, I must behold the real.
- Circle of Five. I often promote this idea made popular by Brian Tracy because it is true. It stems from an old biblical principle of you become like the company you keep (Prov 13.20). As I tell my children, you don’t need a lot of friends…you just need a few real friends. I have repeatedly offered my friendship to people who don’t reciprocate. Not happening this year. My time and attention is finite and my end is fast-approaching. I want to spend time with people who value my time and friendship.
- Initiate but don’t Pander. I have decided to stop reaching out to people who don’t Reach back out. This isn’t unloving. It’s entirely loving to them to not let them be a passive friend. To not let them make excuses for their busy-ness and lack of intention. And…it’s loving to me. As I have seen time and again, when I have been the primary initiator in a relationship I slowly begin to doubt my value…and then begin to slip into despair. Not this year.
- Fewer Words and More Action. I love to listen and to communicate with others. It’s God’s means of connecting with others. Yet, in my enthusiasm I can often talk too much. When you talk more than is needful for the moment you are at risk of sin. We will be judged by every fruitless word we utter. This doesn’t mean we ought not to talk at all. The Bible makes it clear that we are to speak just as our Creator spoke the cosmos into existence. Instead, we are to see our words as creative rather than space filler. Too many times are we given to sarcasm and useless joking because we are uncomfortable. Maybe the discomfort is a place to grow. Maybe by speaking less we can observe better and understand better.
- Discipline > Intention. How many times have I said I want to lose a certain amount of weight. I have done it multiple times but gain it all back (sometimes more). I know this is a common struggle because I’ve seen the ads! I want to give myself more to my habits than want the immediate result. Committing to running again and watching my diet day to day does not have immediate rewards…In fact, it’s downright worse than simply eating and doing what I want. But the results slowly and surely show in tighter pants and shorter breath.
- Contemplation AND Action. The life of wisdom slows down to contemplate and then applies what it learns. This year I want to not only be a hearer of God’s Word but a doer. It’s not that I haven’t done this…but like many evaluations, there are certain things to keep doing and doing them more. I want to spend more time slowing down and contemplating and doing less things better.
What about you? On this list of ten brief reflections on the way of wisdom, what do you want to focus on? Maybe there’s something you’d like to add!