If one of the keys to being a good leader is being a good communicator, then why would being quiet actually help? After all, don’t people need to be inspired and encouraged and directed? Yes…but you also need to learn to keep your mouth shut (as my 4th grade spelling teacher would often remind me).
I just got back from an amazing week with my daughter at JH Ranch in California. It was intended to be formative for our relationship with one another and with God. One of the highlights for me, though, were the uninterrupted moments of silence. True silence. You see, I had no cell phone signal the entire week I was there. The first couple days I found my insides a little set on edge to be completely honest. I found I had low-grade anxiety that I was missing an email or text or phone call that needed my immediate attention. But I did the preliminary work of putting email on auto-responder and making sure that my wife knew how to get a hold of me if there was a genuine emergency.
So the early morning hours with coffee in hand, there were no squirrel-ly moments where I would be spontaneously reminded of a task or something I needed to look up. This often happens when I’m trying to read and pray in the mornings. I’ll get silence and then, all of a sudden, I am reminded of something I need to do…I pick up my phone because it will only take 15 seconds to write it in my notes app or put it in my calendar…and sure enough, I am pulled into the digital universe only emerge 20 minutes later.
Over time this will wreak havoc on your inner life.
If I were to ask you what you really want, what would you tell me? If we had the time to go deeper, I venture to say what you really want is an abiding inner peace. You want a joy that is not shaken. You want a purpose that is clear and anchored.
I have found that even the most high achievers want unhurried moments. After all vacation is our carving out time to do just that…and how many people pine away for vacation but find they haven’t truly rested? I believe, from experience, is this lack of peace and purpose is because we have not learned the discipline of not doing and simply being.
One of the lessons I am learning (and will post on I am sure in the near future) is the discipline of simply being. I have lived most of my life believing that I am valuable and loved by others based on my performance. I am good at solving problems and getting things done. This past week I didn’t get much done and I struggled with whether I was still valuable to others. The truth is…to some I will not be. And I have to be okay with living in a performance-driven world. But the truth is that I simply want, and maybe you too, to be wanted for being me. When I push and prod I make the false conclusion that I am loved and affirmed and accepted for what I have done. Again, this will be true for some people…but not for the even fewer who truly matter. After all, you and I are loved because we exist. For those who can’t see the gift that you are are not your people and not worth your time trying to persuade otherwise.